Dear Younger Me...

When I found this photo the other day it caught me off guard. Made me uneasy. It hit a vulnerable shame spot. I don’t even recognize that girl. I am holding the greatest gift given to me and my Logan is still the source of my greatest joy. But that young girl? I barely remember her.

She was embarking on this new experience of becoming a mom. She had her life perfectly crafted — line by line — detail by detail and nothing was going to get in the way. She was blissfully unaware of the broken road that lurked just around the corner. Of the impact and the pain. The mess. The shattering of her world as she knew it. I want to roll my eyes at her and say, what were you thinking? Did you really think that everything is wrapped up in this perfect red bow and life works exactly the way you plan??

Let me be clear, life IS a beautiful gift and comes tied in a red bow — but it is a messy one. Has imperfections, creases, tatters, shows wear and tear, and is constantly unraveling. But that doesn’t make it any less of a gift. In fact, it’s even more beautiful because with the imperfections and hard seasons comes growth, vulnerability, and authenticity. Living in humble wholeheartedness which brings belonging, connection, and compassion into your life.

I pull up my most recent photo that was taken a few days ago, I can’t help but smile. This girl is FULL of vibrant life. Confidence. Passion. Love. She is on a mission for self betterment, every single day. I know my flaws — I embrace them, am aware of them, work to understand them, and I am committed to take action and hold myself accountable. I live and love vulnerably. I have worked so damn hard to become THIS girl — fought for years to become her- she is still evolving, learning, stretching, and morphing everyday.

I look at both pictures side by side, I breathe in and exhale out the shame and irritation at my younger self. I smile at the young girl and give her some much needed GRACE. She doesn’t know what she doesn’t know yet. She is so unaware and unsure of herself. Without her and her journey, I would never be the woman I am today. I take a deep breath, with forgiving tears in my eyes, and will send her light and love, now and always.